Trusting in the sugar and spice of life

Like a lot of people, I’ve been going through the year in review in my mind a lot this week. 2019 has been a memorable time for me…I’ve gotten more comfortable with non-routines and going with the flow of the unknown. I’ve gotten more familiar with taking care of my own needs, integrating breathwork into every aspect of my life, and taking action when my heart speaks loudly. For example, I’ve established a mentoring program for some very deserving young adults with the help of friends, when all the perfect pieces and players fell into place. I appreciate everything I have been given and all that I am able to give. 

Those are all ongoing endeavors but looking into 2020, I can’t help but be curious…what lesson and practice takes precedence now? 

I see a small painting that’s hung on my wall for years. The words read, “I am safe because I trust.” In response, I instinctually add “I am safe because I love.”

Life never stops changing and shaking us up. But we all can tap into a creative energy that helps us birth into reality that which we believe. We need hope to dream and thrive. And when we decide to act, we need a certain degree of faith. Trust that we have chosen the right path, and faith that we will come out better for it.

Trust and faith are tied together, and for some of us, neither comes naturally. Because trust is a decision we must make all the time. Sometimes it is easy, like counting on a friend who’s been with us through thick and thin. That experience of trust grew out of a series of decisions that panned out well.

Sometimes trust is not as easy; we perceive risk because there is not enough evidence for trust. Changing careers and having no idea how it will turn out. Trusting that this new person in our life is worthy. Believing we will be okay no matter what. It doesn’t always work out the way we imagine.

But the decisions that appear most risky are the ones that push us to reflect and grow the most. Eventually they teach us to trust ourselves, and get more comfortable with relinquishing attachment to the past or to future outcome. 

Creating a new experience in your life requires the initial decision to trust yourself to do so. Change always starts from within, because I am my most powerful leverage point. A small shift internally can exert significant impact on the external reality.

If you find it hard to trust other people, you may frequently ask yourself, “do I trust them?” Perhaps the better question is, “do I trust myself?”

Are there areas in your life where you don’t trust yourself? Are there ways you do not show up for yourself? If there are, first acknowledge you for being that honest. Honesty is pretty important. As in all relationships, it’s the first step to building trust. Integrity also cultivates trust. It is a commitment to practice what you profess. It always begins with “I”.

Here’s a process to help with rebuilding a trusting relationship with the self:

  1. Decide what your non-negotiable principles are: I accept myself exactly as I am. All living beings deserve compassion. My family/career/spirituality (fill in the blank) is my priority.

    Whatever they are, write them down.
     
  2. Decide what your boundaries are: Others are not allowed to criticize my choices. When I say no, others may not make me feel guilty for saying so.

    Whatever they are, write them down.
     
  3. You may want to put up this list of principles and boundaries next to your bed for daily reference.
     
  4. Now comes the daily practice: 
    “Today I will hold me up. Today I hold myself accountable for what I think, say and do. Today I uphold my principles and boundaries. Because I matter.

    And when I demonstrate that I matter, I am showing you that you matter too. Today I honor your boundaries and who you are. We are in this together.”

For every day that we are able to be in integrity with these words, we are part of creating a world that supports us all. And when we find our actions have strayed from this intention, we can also learn to forgive and choose again.

This is the foundation of trust and safety. This is how we demonstrate true love. 

May this year be filled with sweetness tempered by spice for you! May you experience new adventures and happy surprises. Have faith.

Thank you 2019. Welcome 2020.

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